Sometimes these parents are elderly, but more than half of the increase in intergenerational families is from parents who are still under age 65, according to U.S. Census Bureau data. Due to a combination of unemployment, rising living costs and debt, we boomers are now joining our kids in being described as a boomerang generation.

Consider Advantages, Disadvantages

Of course, an intergenerational household may have advantages. Boomer parents are well noted for having close relationships with their children. And having extra adults around to help with expenses, child care, or just to keep each other company, can make life less stressful, more memorable and more fun. But you don’t have to dig deep to imagine the potential negatives.

Having extra adults around to help with expenses, child care, or just to keep each other company, can make life less stressful, more memorable and more fun.

Having Suzy leave her dirty clothes in the bathroom, or Junior deplete the gas in the car, may be mildly irritating when they are still in high school. But when they move back home, after college or after losing a job, these sorts of problems can quickly mount. Add to that grandmother’s sensitivity to loud noises and the kids’ tendencies to evoke them and, well, the situation can quickly become overwhelming.

Coordinate a Family Conference

So, where to begin? Before you consider combining households, you need to bring the adult parties together to discuss expectations, boundaries, and rules. This can include housekeeping duties, rent, or contributions towards expenses. It may even include behavior. For instance, if one party is moving in because of a job loss, maybe no rent is expected. But there will probably be expectations that the unemployed person will look for a job, and, at least, that dirty clothes will find their way to the laundry basket. Neither party will be happy if there’s too great a compromise on lifestyle, savings or retirement as a result of the other party failing to pull their weight. Nobody wants to feel taken advantage of or misused.

Set the House Rules

Once you’ve decided to green-light the intergenerational living arrangement, you will want to outline each party’s expectations and create house rules covering areas such as:

• Rent and other expenses. Will the moving-in party pay rent, buy groceries, or make sure the family car has a full gas tank?

• Housekeeping and repairs. Will housekeeping tasks be shared, or at least, not made any worse? If one party breaks something, will they assume responsibility?

• Space concerns. Is your home ready for intergenerational needs? Do you need to baby proof? Or make accommodations for someone who might have trouble navigating the stairs?

• Fitting in and getting along. This may be harder to discuss than the more tangible financial issues. If you are moving in with your adult son, for example, how will your presence affect his new wife? If your son and his family are moving in with you, will they expect live-in babysitting services? Is that what you expect? How will mealtimes and other routines change, or stay the same?

• Goals and progress. If the new living arrangements are supposed to be temporary, while one party works to find a new job or pay off debt, what goals, timetables and milestones can you put in place? If Junior should be looking for a job, to help pay off $50,000 in student loans, should he be participating in multi-player Internet games until four in the morning?

I have known blended, intergenerational family situations that worked out very well. Young children got the benefit of having grandparents around; adult kids got a chance to get back on their feet; and older folks enjoyed companionship and some help with household bills and duties. But I have also seen generous people taken advantage of by “boarders” who never put food in the refrigerator, a load of laundry in the wash, nor have never made a meal. In these cases, the host family exceeded its budget and eventually lost its patience -- relationships and finances were seriously damaged. Intergenerational households might very well be a solution to financial problems, health issues or even loneliness. While it can be tough to impose rules on adult children, or on parents, you’ll only benefit by having these discussions and making everything clear in advance.

Guest blogger Marilyn Katz is the founder of the Over 50 Website, which is dedicated to topics that concern today’s baby boomers.

When I was busy enjoying my 20s and 30s, I had a vision of being set in my career by the time I reached my 50s, at which point I’d coast along for a few years until I could enjoy a traditional retirement. I learned a demanding, technical skill, worked hard, set money aside, and watched my expenses, thinking it was all within reach. My approach may seem naive now, in light of the housing bust, the global recession and other economic upheavals. But, in some ways, I was lucky. I hit a wall in my 40s. Demand for my formerly in-demand technical skills started falling because of overseas outsourcing and technology changes. I scrambled to adjust and keep up. Everything I knew about staying employed, or even getting employment, just stopped working. Meanwhile, my shorter term goals kept piling on the financial obligations. I felt forced to drain off retirement savings and run up credit card bills. While I seemed to work harder and harder, my previous vision of retirement evaporated. After some careful reflection, I realized I was making two main mistakes:

• I kept doing the same old things
• I really wasn’t willing to adapt to a new labor market

So, why am I telling the whole world about my failures? To explain that, yes, I have been there. I know the fear and ego battering that results from getting laid off as an older worker. But, more importantly, I’m sharing my story because, while it took a while, I did make the adjustment and I know others can make a similar change.

Consider the midlife career dilemma

While I was struggling to find employment I was also suddenly feeling the overwhelming need to do something more fulfilling. Of course, at the very same time, I also felt the overwhelming need to keep the electric bill paid (I had kids to feed and car payments to make). I began by trying out a couple of different career fields, trying to “get in” at the bottom. But I quickly realized that neither option was something I wanted to do for the next few decades. I was approaching 50, but I still faced the prospect of working for 20 or 30 more years. I wanted to do something better, and I wanted to do it right away.

Solve unemployment with self-employment

For me, the solution was self-employment. I managed to leverage 30 years of work experience to slowly create a viable business model for myself. I started small, on nights and weekends, and then ultimately left my previous day job behind for a new career in online publishing. I am now a big believer in solving unemployment with self-employment. Almost everybody has a skill or talent that can provide value to others. If you have reached a point where you dislike having others telling you what to accomplish during the day, it may be time to start telling yourself what to do.

Self-assess your way to a career change

On the other hand, self-employment is not for everybody. If you’re in the market for a midlife career change, you may need actual employment, and you may need to find it quickly. Begin with a good analysis of your situation. I spent 20 years as a systems analyst, but it took me years to start applying those skills to my own problems. Hopefully, the following points can help speed up the process for you:

• Can you move to a different city? A lot of older workers do not want to relocate, but this may be the real key to landing a good job in your career field.
• Can you apply your experience to a slightly different career in another industry? While manufacturing jobs may be in short supply, health care jobs keep growing. Both fields can use people with management, technical, or sales skills.
• Do you need some quick job retraining? Take advantage of classes online or at a local community college. These may demonstrate that you are a person who is willing to work to keep yourself updated with technology and trends.
• Is your resume dating you? The way I learned to build a resume and cover letter, decades ago, is not what employers look for today. I would invest time learning how to make an updated resume, or I would invest some money in a good resume service.

Stay flexible and make a step

Of course, these questions have complicated answers. And you are the one who knows what’s right for your particular situation. But it’s important that you stay flexible. Most of the stories I’ve read about people experiencing long-term unemployment illustrate a lack of flexibility on their part. Even if it’s just developing a more open mindset, you can start fixing your situation today. One day and one step at a time.

Guest blogger Marilyn Katz is the founder of the Over 50 Website, which is dedicated to topics that concern today’s baby boomers.